Saturday, January 21, 2012

Zombie Apocalypse Training


I'm a pretty terrible American. So I was told by the German girl. I hadn't even shot a gun, let alone own one. And if foreigners have a stereotype about American men, it's that we have guns. Which I did not, as she so kindly pointed out.

So I decided to fix it. Owning and learning how to shoot a gun could be a useful skill. Just in case.
When I get bored, I tend to make things happen. So one summer morning, I was up early and had nothing to do. So I went to the Fremont police department, filled out an application for a permit to buy/own a handgun. A quick state patrol background check later and I was in.
While I wasn't going to go buy a handgun, I still felt obligated to at least shoot one. So on the Fourth of July, I did just that.

Two of my friends just happen to own guns. One of them also lived outside the city on what I will call a farm, even if he doesn't.
As we walked back to the field, I examined all weapons we and I would be firing. From memory, I believe they were:

An AR-15 Assault Rifle
An AK-$7 semi auto
A .45 handgun
A .22 handgun
A WWII rifle used by the Allied forces (8 bullets in a clip that"biiingged" out the top when empty.

Having never shot anything in my life outside of a paintball gun, I was given the task of filling clips up with bullets.



I watched my friends fire off a few rounds, noting how they held and shot the guns. Then it was my turn. Apparently, I thought I would be starting off with something subtle, like a .22 handgun.
".22s are weak. Here, try this.", my friend said, handing me the AR-15 assault rifle.
And so, as I do with pretty much every other thing, I jumped off the deep end.



We set up some pop cans (Pepsi One, the only thing worth buying them for) about 50-70 yards out for targets. On the very first shot, I blew one up. I then managed to either shoot just a little too high or low so that puffs of dirt would blow up in the wind. Surprisingly, the AR-15 was incredibly easy to shoot accurately.
The rest of the day was spent shooting the other variety of guns.
One thing I did notice was the difference between the .22 and the .45 handguns.

The .45 hand the power of a hand cannon. It blew holes in side of a computer we brought along. Getting hit by that would drop anyone.
The .22 on the other hand, had these little, flimsy looking bullets. Very small, and fairly inaccurate. They left holes the size of a tiny pea in the case of the computer. I could see a large person getting shot by this and not feeling the slightest bit stopped by it.

By the end of the day, I felt like a new person. A true American, if you will.
The whole experience left me wanting to use my new-found "skillset". Kind of like someone who spends years learning survival techniques or martial arts. It's all moot unless something happens.
I look forward to the zombie apocalypse.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Visit Australia Part 3

Mareeba: We grow mango trees like corn.

At this point in the trip I decided I needed money. My only other source of income was working in Melbourne at the Grand Prix and that was a few months ago. A travel/backpacker agency called "Peterpans Adventure...somethings" seemed to be a popular place and offered tons of different work opportunities. I turned down banana picking in light of pruning mango trees. How hard could that be? I packed my bags and joined about eight other guys that would be cutting down branches with me. We were picked up by a guy named Roy who chain smoked, had a potbelly, but was otherwise pretty cool. We lived in his house in Mareeba, a town with two big streets, one store, and an ice cream parlor that sold internet at $5 an hour.
The house was pretty nice, with myself having my own room next to the balcony. Unfortunately, there was nothing to look at and no girls to bring back to a single room. There was absolutely nothing to do except eat, sleep, watch Glee and Aussie COPs on TV, and spend $5 on internet.
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My schedule for 2 weeks went like this:
5:05 Wake up.
5:25 Really wake up.
5:30 Hop in the loud, vibrating van that smelled like cigarette smoke with eight other guys. Then drive along some country roads to the middle of no where.
6:00 Eat a PB&J at the mango fields while the work crew talked about their "Mrs" back at home and paying child support.
6:30 Get hauled out into the fields and with a handsaw, start ripping out the middle branches of mango trees.
6:32 Be covered in water (dew), spider webs, spiders, little bugs, and complain about being cold.
11:00 Be covered in sweat, spider webs, spiders, little bugs, and complain about being hot. Eat some PB&J for lunch.
11:30 Back to the fields. They are shaped like corn rows. There are 66,000 mango trees. There are 8 of us guys doing this. Each tree takes 10sec - 1min of cutting time. This could take awhile.
1:34 Avoid massive yellow/red stripped hornets that live in mango trees.
1:35 I fail to avoid the hornets and get stabbed in the left shoulder. They are the size of my thumb. Stabbed is the correct verb.
3:00 Get back in the van that is falling apart and drive back to Mareeba.
4:00 Spend $5 on internet, eat Tuna and noodles, flirt with high school girls at ice cream shop, and watch Glee.
9:00 Go to sleep.

We managed to deforest that entire mango field in two weeks. We were paid $17.90 per hour, which was pretty cool, because I made $800 dollars after taxes. With this money, it was time to head to BrisVegas and meet a guy named Tempt.

BrisVegas (correctly spoken Bris'Bin)
Long story short, I started talking to a guy on the internet who lived in Brisbane and was known for having crazy nights out. He was like an Aussie Tucker Max. He walked up to guys he didn't like and laughed in their face. He walked up to women he saw in the street and suggest they get married on the spot...which they role-played out. He drank. He danced. He took up space. He made out with girls while their boyfriends back was turned. He was nicknamed Tempt. And I was here to meet him.
Coming back from a very long two weeks in Mareeba, I felt it was time to relax before heading back to the States. I booked a flight from Cairns to Brisbane, hitch hiked to the airport, and ended up at this hostel overlooking downtown BrisVegas!
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I had forgotten how much I loved the bigger Australian cities and wish I would have spent more time here, but I was on a timeline and starting to burn out of living out of a suitcase. I spent a week in Brisbane, which seemed to have much more exciting gardens, walkways, downtown areas. There was much more detail and interesting things to see, as oppossed to Melbourne. It was more like how Sydney was around the harbor.
I didn't meet Tempt until the day after I arrived. My plane landed at 9p.m. and I had just hitch hiked my entire way to the previous airport. I had enough excitement for one day and ended up swimming on the rooftop pool then passing out.

My story with Tempt will be short. You can only say "I went out, drank some alcohol, met this one girl, danced my face off, saw a fight, asked women to marry me in the street, won some money, and deflected alpha males like Jackie Chan deflects punches, so many times before the story gets old. Which is what Tempt and I did.
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This is Tempt. Enough said.
As I said, I enjoyed Brisbane much more than the other cities. It was fairly easy to walk around, had tons of artwork incorporated into the city in order to show it off. Glowing lights were everywhere, buildings gothic stonework done to them, new buildings use a variety of glowing neon tubework to make them look nice, and shopping malls, unlike in America, were not just a big buildings. They were massive outdoor/indoor networks of sidewalks that went underground and above ground with no doors. Massive copper? statues decorated seemingly random areas...just to make the city look good.
Similar to the concept in Lincoln where bicycle statues are placed around the city; and in Omaha where the "O" statue is randomly placed around the city. Except in Brisbane, these objects were actually worth looking at.
Brisbane inner city casino

The Return Trip
Reality was kicking in. I had $800 AUD, and a plane ticket cost about $700. I had college loans at home, had been living out of a suitcase for 1/2 a year, and did not really want to work on a farm again to create money (the quickest, easiest job to find on a regular basis). I was sitting in the Peterpans Adventure...something place, uploading pictures when I made that decision. I had tons of things I wanted to get started on back in the States, such as a career, new hobbies, and catching up with people.
The return trip is rather boring. I took pictures of things I might have missed otherwise...such as the cost of petrol per liter over there, some random objects I found in a park, and some of the wildlife.
per liter of petrol brisbane park Burger King
My return trip was basically a two hour flight to Melbourne, 1 hour layover, 15.5 hour flight to L.A., 6 hour layover, 2 hour flight to Denver, 1 hour layover, then a final 1 hour flight to Omaha, where I was picked up by my awesome parents. This was all done back to back. It took about two weeks before my inner clock got back on schedule.
This was just a brief summary of 1/2 the things that happened. But it still stands: Goal #1 is now done. Onto the easy stuff!

Monday, September 27, 2010

#2 Vist Australia Part 2

After spending a good month in Melbourne, I visited my last underground lounge with Blue, said farewell and drove to Adelaide.
I met Philip, a 20 year old German guy, via another contact. He was traveling down the Great Ocean Road to Adelaide. He bought his own car, seemed very intelligent, but lacked lots of social skills. His voice was shaky, as if he wasn't use to talking, he was twitchy, and constantly talked about his life...which just involved his loving parents. At a McDonalds, we picked up Dutch guy headed that way as well. He had the flu or something, and was passed out in the back seat the entire time. Just an extra guy to split the cost of gas.
It was a full two day journey, ~600km , along a very twisty road along the ocean. It's one of the most sought after backpacker places in Oz.

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We slept in the car the first night, in the parking lot of park in a random town halfway there.
The second night, we spent the night in an actual campsite. Both Philip and the Dutch guy got sick, so I slept in the tent that was brought along.
Because Philip got sick, I was needed to drive, for the first time, on the left side of the road. I kept veering one direction or the other. I don't think Philip got much rest. He didn't let me drive in town, just on the open highway. Probably a good thing.

Romanians in the Australian Air Force
I spent three days in Adelaide, as it was a gateway so I could fly to Alice Springs.
It was here I met Nikson, whom I had been talking to months before on another website. When we met up so we could go grab drinks and talk to girls, I found out he was Romanian and not Australian. He also had his own drink named after him: the M.I.T. As seen here:

Australian/Romanian military drink of choice

At $17.50 per drink, x8, it added up to a large amount of cash. Of course, I didn't buy them all. We basically 'shouted' each other all night (aka, split the rounds). Nikson flirts with the bartender, shows me how to make flower napkins, and we both talk to large sets of people, in attempts to become instant friends. Which we do. It was a typical night for him. We find a few clubs, but they have outrageous cover charges and are full of 18 year olds. I decide that Adelaide is kinda boring.

Alice Springs and angry Aboriginals
The next day I flew out to the very middle of Australia to the only town there, Alice Springs. 15% White rich people and 85% poor Aboriginals, racial problems and alcohol abuse are a huge problem here.
General saftey is needed, such as:
-If you're white, don't walk outside after 8:00p.m.
-Take of expensive looking watches if walking out alone.
-If someone asks you the time, keep walking and tell them from a distance.
-Lift up toilet seats before using, in case spiders are under them.
-Walk a little faster than everyone else. If someone is keeping your pace...be aware.
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I only spent about three days in Alice Springs because it was a gateway to go on a tour of the Outback. I booked a tour to visit Uluru, a giant tectonic plate that is stuck sideways up through the earth and is spiritual to the Aboriginals.
The tour took our van of 14 or so people through Kings Canyon, Valley of the Winds, and Uluru. We slept in sways (canvas sleeping bags with a mattress) out in the middle of no where. With zero light pollution, you could see the sky from horizon to horizon and every star in it. A scorpion did fall out of my sleeping bag, but other than that no problems. Snakes saw humans as to large to be prey, and the spiders were attracted to the heat of the fire, rather than our bodies.
Out tour guide couldn't eat gluten due to a brain injury he suffered while competing in a motorbike challenge. Doing so, causes short term memory lose. He told us he avoided his girlfriend for two days because he had no clue who she was or why she was in his apartment.

Road Trip
After the outback adventure, I met a girl from Canada at the hostel, with her own car. We decided to split gas and drive to the coast. It was a long three day drive. We took turns sleeping and driving. She had a mattress in the back of the station wagon were we slept. We stopped by the Devils Marbles, a giant lake up north to go swimming in, visited a bat recovery house. I should also note, that she manage to hit roadkill while it was in the middle of the road...with both tires. On the second night, we sneaked into a more expensive campsite, parked the car, and slept there. In the morning, there were kangaroos hopping around outside the car. We left before any managers noticed. It was good to not be using road side bathrooms.
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European party city of Cairns
I stayed in Cairns for about one month.
It's a smaller city full of backpackers. The girl from Canada and I got an 8 share bedroom with other backpackers at a recommended hostel from a guy in Alice Springs. I talked to the owner and convinced her that I could do tasks in exchange for a free room for a week or two. I painted walls, fences, cabinets; scrubbed floors, and cleaned up the BBQ area. It was a pretty good deal and saved me about $200.
Two Dutch girls were also in our room, as was another random Dutch guy. After going out downtown, they decided to have sex at 4a.m. on their bunk bed. It is one room, with 8 bunk beds lined up in it. I felt bad for the guy on top of the bunk...all moving around and the squeaking noise below him. The girl from Canada was freaking out the next morning. Luckily, the whole act only lasted less than five minutes.
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The rest of Cairns was all about meeting people from all over the world (Scottland, Ireland, Germany, Holland, Korea, Japan) and then getting drunk off cheap wine with them on the open air balcony at the hostel, then going to The Woolshed, a bar that encourages dancing on tables, stripping contest for travel vouchers, and doesn't close till 4a.m. Something like this would never get by in America before someone would sue someone for something. I guess that's the beauty of a backpackers city...everyone comes and goes within the month...or days.

The Great Barrier Reef
I guess I knew this, but didn't really realize it. The Great Barrier Reef is not just off the shore of Australia. It's an hour long boat ride on the ocean. With big choppy waves. When you get seasick 45minutes from the shore, there is no possible way to stop the up and down/side to side motion. It's like being stuffed inside a washing machine...all you hear is the sloshing of the water and your own vomit.
After we finally got to the anchor location, I actually felt better. I was given a stinger suit (which makes you look like a Smurf) to protect from jellyfish. I ordered an underwater camera the day before and took full advantage of it. The sky was clouded over that day and the reef wasn't as bright and colorful as the magazines make it look. It was still full of life and crazy corals and all very exciting. I was slightly nervous about the vast emptiness below me. The reef sometimes just ended and dropped off into dark water. One moment you would be swimming along a shelf full of color with sand below you. The next there would be nothing.
Remember the scene in "Finding Nemo" where Nemo is chasing after his friends through the reef, then all of a sudden he finds himself outside the reef, floating in the dark, empty ocean.
It was very much like that.
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I was also really nervous about all the things going on below my feet I couldn't see. Bopping in the water, you couldn't see anything below you. But as soon as you look under the water, you'll find yourself inches from the reef itself and fish and other creatures zigzagging right next to you.
The whole trip was worth the discounted price. -Back in Melbourne there was a guy who sold trip vouchers at an auction and I won the snorkeling trip for 1/2 price.

I don't know exactly how long I stayed in Cairns, but I was running out of money. That's when I finally resorted to farm work...the theme of the next post.

Saturday, September 18, 2010

#2 Visit Australia Part 1

Why Australia?
I wanted the accent. I wanted the beaches, the mountains, the outback, the more rugged way of life. I wanted to experience that so I could prove to myself that I could do it.
After I graduated I had two options.
I could go back to school and work on a master's degree
or I could get a job/career.
It was now or never to go travel the world with other young backpackers. I cut off intimacy with current relationships and somewhat successfully stopped new ones from forming. I couldn't date while I was halfway around the world.

I could write pages on the stuff I did, giving in depth detailed experiences, but for this project, I just need to report I've done it.
I've posted the entire photo album under links to the left of the page.
In a very large nutshell, here's what happen down under.

Enter
I flew into Sydney with no clue where I was sleeping that night. I picked up some hostel brochures from a stand and picked an internationally acclaimed one called YHA. I told the customs agent I didn't know where I was sleeping. He pulled out my map of Australia and asked why I had this if I was just staying in Sydney. ....because I'm in Australia? Just in case?

Manley Beach, Europeans, and Homeless Businessmen
I decided that my first order of business should be to walk to the beaches. It was at 30min walk from the hostel through the very heart of Sydney's skyscrapers. There you had to avoid hawkers (people who try to get you to donate to some charity/organization, mostly backpackers trying to make money). It was here I saw my first homeless person sleeping on a cardboard box...wearing a full pinstripe business suit. At the end of the walk was Sydney Harbor, The Rocks (elite part of town), the Opera house, and underground cafes/bars. A 20min ride on a ferry across the harbor drops you off at Manley port, a 3min walk to the beach. The beach is lined with stores selling their discounted Corona for $52 for a 24 pack. Older men wore speedos, some women were topless, and the surfer crowd looked like...stereotypical surfers.
I noticed large cliffs in the distance with a trail that lead to them. I decided to explore and found a dirt trail leading up to overhanging cliffs. I decided it was not a good idea to jump from rock to rock after a giant lizard shot out from under a rock after I landed on it, luckily it wasn't a sleeping snake.
Rule 1 in Australia - snakes are bad.

Dance like an Aussie
Underneath my hostel was a bar. I ate some pizza there and thought it was funny they played Sweet Home Alabama. Much later in the night they had crab racing for $2. I named mine Chuck Norris. Out of the many things Chuck Norris is capable of, he is not a crab racing champion. I was then selected to do a 30 second strip tease with two other guys (a Canadian and an Aussie).
We all had to strip at the same time. The bar was packed at this point (no shoulder room), full of 18-25 women from Sydney and around the world, flashing lights and noise. It was a blur. The two other guys started dancing around. I got down on two knees rock-band style and slid up to the edge of the stage. The shirt came off. I realized this was probably a bad idea because I just flew in from a snowstorm 4 days ago. I was deathly pale compared to everyone.
I got second place. Canada won. I let America down.

Melbourne (Mel-bun)
I took an overnight bus to Melbourne shortly after arriving. It was here I met a guy whom I will refer to as Blue. He showed me the downtown, the hidden clubs, the rooftop bars, and recommended where to go if I needed to take a girl out on a date.
I met a girl from Sweden. I showed her some card magic, a hobby I got into while I was in Melbourne (check out Bernards Magic Shop) and we ended up talking for about two hours on the couches. We went out the next two nights, eating great Chinese food, crepes, Bubbletea, and gelato (similar to ice cream. I applied for several jobs while I was there, getting hired to work at the Melbourne Grand Prix, a nude art model at the Melbourne Uni of Art, and an electric company. During middle of all this, I was living with a guy named Sal, who was from Iran. He had been stabbed twice for getting another guys girlfriend's phone number. He looked like a rockstar and probably did cocaine. I payed him $15 a day to sleep on his couch for two weeks.

Reasons to not do heroin in Tasmania
I flew over to Tasmania to live on an organic farm with a guy named Tim. Tim lived by himself at the base of a plateau (aka small mountain) growing all of his own food. I slept with a German guy in a homemade log cabin. An Irish girl slept in her tent by the stream that was about 50 yards from our cabin. My typical day was to wake up about 8a.m., eat some homemade cereal, plant seeds in Tim's garden, then go spend the rest of the afternoon hiking by myself in the Tasmanian mountains with no cell phone reception. There were no trails, lots of spider webs, and loose boulders. I took baths in the creek when it was time to clean up.
Tim was surrounded by poppy fields. For those of you who don't know better, poppy fields are massed produced because they are used in the medical industry. However, if prepared correctly, you can make heroin. In order to prevent people from stealing poppy flowers, about 1 / 1000 poppy flowers are "jacked up" to provide about 100x the dose. Which means, if you steal some poppy flowers to make heroin....there is a chance it will be that over-dosed flower, which will kill you. I recommend checking out Launceston and Cateract Gorge for those who stop by.

Back to Melbourne.
I met up with Blue and his mates back in Melbourne were we went out and met as many people as we could. I had to get use to drinking in bars with 18 year old girls. When they say they graduated...they don't mean from college.
Met a girl named Jess and we danced a night away. She invited me over to her 'University' (not college!) to attend a social salsa dancing class. It was pretty exciting. Blue later took me out to a bar that hosted salsa dancing somewhere else in the city.
I worked as crowd control at the Melbourne Grand Prix at this point. John Travolta flew in as he is a representative? of Quantis Airlines. Ferrari, Porsche, Mercedes-Benz McLaren, were all there with their multimillion dollar cars and merchandise. Saudi Arabians who reeked money were escorted to corporate box offices. It made "high profile events" held in Nebraska seem like a college guy who puts on fake diamond earrings and pretends he's got fame and money.

Saturday, September 4, 2010

Start Here: The List

This is mine. Not much of a list, but it's my list.
Each goal has a story behind it.
If someone can take a paper clip and trade it for items, eventually ending with a Hollywood recording contract...I should be able to turn this into something.
Although there is no time line, I'm not one to wait for check marks to accidentally appear next to each one. Stories don't write themselves.

Each goal must have a picture/video. That is the rule. I'm willing to travel, get into awkward situations, ask myself "what am I doing..." to complete it. I want help from others. If someone can offer me an exciting experience, I'll try it. Otherwise I'll make it happen on my own (but that's boring).
Help out, spread the word, have fun.

1) Go Skydiving
2) Visit Australia 1/29/10
3) 100 pushups without stopping
4) Watch every James Bond movie
5) Sleep under the stars
6) Ride/Drive a Ferrari
7) Skinny dip at midnight
8) Kiss someone under mistletoe
9) Throw a dart at a map of the United States and travel there
10) Write a love letter using another language
11) Eat alligator meat
12) Run a half marathon
13) Learn basic Salsa dancing
14) Learn to do a kip-up and a backflip.
15) Have someone tell me I influence their life
16) Perform street magic for random people
17) Road course race in any car
18) Shoot a gun
19) Visit Pikes Peak
20) Get a massage
21) Win a 2 v 1 thumbwar
22) Meet a pickup artist / dating coach
23) Bake a cake
24) Do a handstand
25) Take an elevator to the top of a skyscraper
26) Build a snowfort or a sand castle
27) Become multi-orgasmic
28) Create my own business card
29) Participate in a session of Krav Maga
30) Slide down a slip N slide
31) Win a game of chess
32) Explain constellations with someone at 1a.m.
33) Do the splits
34) Phone sex
35) Sit in on a random college class
36) Eat sushi
37) Ride my bike to the end of Lincoln's bike trail. Find a way to get back.
38) Get some pointy boots/shoes
39) Custom-tailor a crazy date; something Bond would consider bad ass
40) Ride a roller-coaster
41) Start a conversation using an absurd topic
42) Disagree with someone worth mentioning
43) Dance on a bar
44) Do a striptease with more than one person present
45) Write something witty on a dirty car window
46) Go to a concert
47) Eat a J.J. Gargantuan sandwich
48) Crash a wedding/give a speech at a strangers wedding
49) Drink Killer Penguin Barleywine. Avoid penguins for the rest of the season.
50) Transform myself into funk-masta dizzledazzle. I don't know what this means, but it's going to happen.